Ready for 2019 to fade away
I'm ready to see 2019 burn.
No “Thanks 2019! You’ve been good to me!” here. It has been hands-down one of the most difficult, heartbreaking, frustrating, and tearful years of my life. I can point out the obvious, but in a way, I don’t really want to acknowledge it. It happened. It sucked. Maybe it sucked for longer than it should have. But I’m leaving it in 2019. Not bitter, only better.
I’ll be honest: that last part is really hard for me. I’m a highly emotional creature and it’s hard for me to hide that I’m bitter about things. I can hold a grudge like a cup holds water. I can’t help it, believe me, I’ve tried to be the type of person that can give third, fourth and fifth chances like other people - even people in my own family - but I just can’t. While a lot of people claim “life is too short not to forgive!” I live by the philosophy that life is too short to keep toxic people around me.
Obviously my biggest struggle of 2019 was centered around my career. I lost my “just for now” job that I’d had for almost a year and that sent me into a whole new depth of depression I had never experienced. I considered getting my Masters degree, or even going back to school for an entirely different career path aka my back-up plan from college.
I ended the year working with another creative mind to get my demo reel revamped for one last push in media.
It was a wild experience, seeing my original demo with stand-ups from my time at NBC 25 with my internship way back in 2010/2011… bookended with new, improv shots around midtown Detroit. I saw some growth, but not as much as I’d hoped to.
During this experience, I found new roles that would fit my passion and skill level. However, as the year has drawn to a close, I closed in on my 350th job application, with enough interviews and call-backs I can count on just one hand.
In the next coming weeks, I may have a post reflecting on the 2010s because WHEW they were wild. But, I feel like it’s important to reflect on the past 365 days first. Unfortunately, I find myself drowning in cliches as the year wraps up. I want to travel more, keep up on this blog better (since I pay for it every month), spend more time doing yoga, eat better - blah, blah, blah. And there’s nothing “wrong” with the cliche thoughts as one year ends and another begins, but I would like to break the stereotype and commit myself to change. So I suppose that is the real resolution here.
2019, you were not easy. You were rarely fun or charming. You were honestly a bitch most of the time. I will not miss you. I won’t remember you fondly. I am grateful to see you leave. I can not wait to see you burn and fade away.